A thought provoking vocabulary lesson...

I was chatting with a friend of mine the other day...

This friend has no children of her own, but she often babysits for her cousin. As we were talking, she tells me the following story and asks if I think she did the right thing...

She was watching her cousins children. The boy is about 9 years old and the girl is about 6 years old. They were playing nicely in the middle of the room with a video game. Suddenly, my friend hears them start fighting. She walks up to them and hears the 9 year old boy call his sister an unpleasant (and inappropriate) word and then shove her over.

My friend separated the two of them, took the game away, made sure the girl was alright, and sat down with the boy to find out what had happened.

"Why did you do that?" She asked.
"Do what?"
"Why would you call your sister that word and then push her over like that? You could have hurt her, pushing her that hard. Plus, we don't use words like that when we talk to people. What happened?" My friend calmly asked.
"She made me mad."
"I'm sorry she made you mad, but that's not how we are supposed to act when we get mad."
"Daddy does."
"Your daddy does what?" My friend tells me she was a little scared at this moment for what the answer would be...
"Daddy says that when he gets mad at people in the car."
"Did he say that it was okay for you to say it?"
"No."
"Did he say it was okay to push people or hurt them?"
"No, but he does it with his friends all the time."
"He hurts them?" My friend is trying not to panic at this point...
"They fight. They push each other and hit each other and wrestle and stuff..."
"But your dad never told you that it was okay for you to do it, did he?"
"No."
... My friend is a little lost now. What does she tell this kid? Should she step in and say something or let it go and leave it to the parents?
"Look. I don't like it when people use words like that around me. Okay? And I don't think your sister liked it when you called her that. I know you like your sister most of the time, right? (Boy nods). Well, it's not okay for us to try to hurt people that we love, like our friends and family. Okay? (Boy nods). I know it's hard when you see your daddy do stuff and then we tell you that you can't do the same thing. Sometimes grown-ups do things that they shouldn't do. And sometimes there are things that grown-ups do, that kids shouldn't do. You should talk to your mom and dad when you get home tonight and let them know what happened and see what they want you to do. For now, I think it would be good for you to tell your sister you're sorry. And let's not act like that any more today. Okay?"
"I'm sorry. I'll go tell her..."

So my friend tells me all of this, (which I had to copy and paste from her message to make sure I got it right) then she asks me if she did the right thing. I told her I think she handled it pretty well...

She says - "Well, I wasn't sure. These little sponge monkeys always seem to have something new to throw at me."

WAIT! What did you say? What on Earth is a "sponge monkey"???

She explains to me that she often calls kids she sees "sponge monkeys". Kids see what grown-ups do. They see how we act, how we behave around others. They hear what we say and what we tell them to do or not to do. So often, we act one way and tell them to act a different way. They are like little monkeys. Monkey see, monkey do. Monkey hear, monkey say. They don't understand why we adults tell them that they should be a certain way but we don't act that way ourselves. It's no wonder kids these days are so screwed up. They are too busy copying their parents and then getting in trouble when they do...

It really got me thinking. Such a strange phrase as "sponge monkey", yet the idea behind it held so much truth.

As a parent, I teach my kids how to act and how to treat others. I teach them how to take care of themselves and teach them how to react when they get upset about something. So many times, we think that the things we actively teach them are what is important.

We forget that our kids are watching us. They are looking up to us. They are depending on us to show them how to do the things we expect them to do. Are we providing them with the right model? Or are we being hypocrites (a word a lot of people have been using lately)? Do we act one way and tell them to act another? Do we say "Do what I say, not what I do?" and expect them to obey? Do we tell them to do something "Because I said so" and never provide them with a reason for their behavior?

I have seen many "sponge monkeys" in my day. Kids who have an attitude toward their parents, teachers, or other adults, only because they see their role models acting the same way. Children who say things that they do not even know the meaning of, only because an important adult in their life says the same thing. Kids who lash out when they are upset, because that is what they see adults doing...

I know I am no where near the parent I should be, but I pray that I do not act like this. I never want to see inappropriate behavior from my children toward someone else, because they saw it in me.

I try to live my life by very simple ideas and I pray my children can grow to see these ideas in me and apply them to their own lives.
LOVE - Love God. Love the people around you. Love the people who are not nice to you just as much as the people who are. Love people you don't know as much as people you know very well. Do not hate anyone - no matter what they have done. If you love them, you may be the one person to help them.
LIVE - Live your life for God. We do this by helping those around us whenever we can. It can be something as simple as a hug, or saying a prayer for someone who we think may need it. We can ask how someone is doing and really care about their answer. We can ask ourselves - "What can I do for that person?" and then we do our best to do it. Simple things often mean the most. Donating clothes to a shelter, putting a small gift basket together for someone who has been sick, sending a greeting card to someone just because they made you smile. We shouldn't ask ourselves what we get out of a gift, we should focus on how much we can put in to it. The more we can live our lives to help others, the happier we will be. (I know this first hand!) This is a hard lesson to "teach" a child, we have to live it out for them to witness. Nothing makes me happier than to see my kids offer to donate something to someone in need, or ask me if they can write a card to someone who has been very sick.
LAUGH - This lesson is even harder for adults than to live for others. As adults, our lives are filled with worries and stress and things that children do not understand. Kids don't understand the boss nagging us for a report, or the bill collectors calling for payments, or whether or not there will be enough in the budget to buy groceries. These are adult concerns. And many adults let these concerns overwhelm them. I have been all too guilty of this myself. You know what though? Kids don't understand why we are stressed and upset. They are too busy enjoying the little pleasures in life. Do you know that most kids enjoy a Dollar Store toy as much as a more expensive toy, sometimes more so. They can go outside and marvel at a kite in the sky. They can look at decorations at Christmas time and be in complete awe. Why can't we adults let go and enjoy the little things in life. Listen to a child tell you about something wonderful that happened at school. Take them outside for a walk and talk about all the amazing things God has created around us. Have them help you with a chore and explain to them how blessed we are for dirty laundry (it means we have clothes), dirty dishes (it means we have food), and cleaning dirty rooms (it means we have a roof and toys to play with). Be thankful for the smiles and the laughs. Enjoy the coloring books, Barbies, and toy trucks. Play pretend! Tell stories! Let yourself go and enjoy life through the eyes of your children because before you know it, they will grow up and you will miss those little moments.

I know the "LOVE, LIVE, LAUGH" thing has been done before, but it is still so true. If more people could follow those rules, and project them for our children to see, I wonder how much things would change. If we have so many "sponge monkeys" showing us our bad behavior, couldn't we turn it around and show the "sponge monkeys" how to be better people?

... Just a thought... Oh, and go give your little "sponge monkeys" a hug, just because!

An update...

Wow. As usual time slipped away from me and I failed to blog about what has been going on again... and now there seems to be so much for me to say.

The Basics -
Bryan is still working hard at his job, sacrificing himself for the sake of myself and the kids.

The kids are both growing up fast. They continue to do very well in school and their classmates and teachers tell me how much they are missed when they are not in class. They both went to the dentist recently. They both had some small cavities to be filled and they handled it much better than I anticipated. They have found a new love in brushing their teeth 3 times a day and flossing. :) It makes me realize that as adults, we should try to find the excitement in things like that. Although, I have to admit, I am not dying to brush my teeth when I get up in the morning...

We've made some other changes in our normal routine and the kids are really taking to it. We have started having a study/story time at night. I read a Bible story and we talk about it together. It has helped me a lot. I take my own time to read, study, and pray, but it is just as important that I share some of that with my children. They should learn and grow to enjoy that time as much as I do. With their spring break coming up next week, so many of their friends and our family are on vacation - I have decided to take time each day next week to do special activities with them. They love arts and crafts, so each day next week we are going to learn a new story, talk about the meaning, and do a craft to go with the lesson. :) I am always surprised at how much they learn from these moments...

Last week, Bryan's family threw a baby shower for me! It was a lovely evening with family and a few very close friends. We got a lot of wonderful gifts. I am so blessed to have such caring people surrounding me down here. :)

I have been working on some baby projects (clothes, wipes case, burp cloths, blankets, and boppy covers) and I will try and post on those projects later.

I have been doing fairly well, health wise. We had a small hiccup the other evening/morning. I spent several hours in pre-term labor. They were able to give me two shots of medication and stop the progression. I am now planning on taking it VERY easy for the next 5-7 weeks. We have almost everything we need for baby Caleb, but we definitely want him to wait a little longer before trying to make his debut. It has been hard lately for me to relax. I struggle with trying to take care of the house, the kids, the dog, my hubby, and myself. I have had to step back a lot. We have a lovely family friend who is coming to clean the house until the baby comes. The dog has adjusted to waiting for Bryan to come home to have someone to play with. She is very well behaved for a 10 month old puppy. The kids are able to do quite a lot for themselves, but they are having a hard time adjusting to the idea that Mommy cannot do certain things anymore. They often give me a difficult time with attitude and fighting one another, but I know it will pass. This Sunday will be my last day in the Sunday school class at church. I will miss it SO MUCH! I know I need some time to rest though. There has been a lot of stress outside of our house lately. Drama between family and friends and problems with Bryan's work... It breaks my heart. I know the last thing I need right now is stress, so I have had to step back from the situations and put my health and the safety of the baby first. I love the people involved, but I know if I let the problems get to me it will just stress me out. I have to step back and just leave it up to God. I'll be praying for everyone and the situations, but I will not let myself get sucked into the drama...

I have my last day of work for Home-2-Home (my business) today. I have two short photo sessions to shoot and then edit. After I am done with them, I will close up the shop until we get settled in to a routine with the baby.

Hopefully, after this week, my life will calm down and I can relax and keep myself healthy and calm while we wait for May 18th to come. That is most likely the day we will go to the hospital for our planned c-section and welcome baby Caleb into our lives.

I have several posts I plan on writing in the next few days. We will see if I get to them or if I get carried away again... ;)