It's been really hard for me the past week or so...
On July 19th I flew to Montana for a couple days. I had a layover in Salt Lake City and was lucky enough to be able to spend some time with two gals I went to high school with. It was great to see them, chat about our lives now, and not spend 4 hours just sitting in an airport by myself. I got to Great Falls and my mom was there at the airport waiting for me. I just saw her a few months ago, but it was so great to see her again. I spent the weekend at her place.
On Friday, she took me out to my Aunt Susan's. We 'kidnapped' her and went up to the mountains outside of Choteau. I can't begin to explain the feeling inside me standing by a mountain-fed creek, at the base of a forest covered mountain, capped with snow... Being up there where the 'big sky' looms overhead... it's so different than the crowded, but green, area I live in down here in Georgia.
Saturday morning, I had the most amazing 2 hour breakfast with an amazing friend of mine in Great Falls. She and I weren't the closest in high school, but we share so much in common now... It was one of the highlights of my trip to sit and talk with her. She knew me in high school and now she sees the change in me, a lifestyle very similar to her own, and it gives us a special friendship. I respect her so much for the way that she was in high school and the way that she has always shown her faith.
After breakfast, I spent some time at the park with my sister and my niece. We fed the ducks and geese, talked, and I took pictures. My sister drove an hour, one way, just so I could see them that weekend. It means more than I could ever say.
That afternoon, after hanging out with my mom some more and walking around her awesome house/property, I got dressed up and went to a beautiful - very funny - very sweet wedding of a high school friend. I got to see a few of the old 'gang'. I also got to see a few of the 'parentals' from the old days. It was so great to catch up with them all and hear about where everyone is at now.
Sunday morning, I flew back home... it was a long day... LOOOOONG day
The trip was nice for a lot of reasons. I got to see a lot of people that I care about, but don't get to see much. I got to spend time in the big, open, blue-sky and mountains of Montana. I had a break from the constant demands of being a stay-at-home mommy and wife - enjoying simple things like not having someone watch me go to the bathroom and being able to eat a hot meal without sharing with someone.
The trip made me miss things about 'the old days'...
I miss having my mom close to me and my kids. I miss my sister. I'm missing watch my niece grow up, as my own kids are missing the time with my family. I miss having friends to sit and hang out with, chat with. I miss the mountains. I miss the clear, big, open sky of Montana. I miss the space that nature gives up there and the closeness of the people.
It also made me realize that it isn't the same. People have moved on. The old gang is married, having kids, growing up, moving off. My grandparents have been gone for a while - and while the memories of them and the farm remain - there won't be any more family dinners out there.
It reminded me of the traditions and habits of the past. It made me realize how much I miss those things. It made me realize that my little family of 5 lacks those traditions that created such amazing memories for me. I want to keep those traditions alive. I want to start out own traditions. I want my kids to think back when they are almost 30 and remember things that make them smile... I want them to treasure our family traditions.
It also makes me miss the closeness of family. Monthly meet-ups, hanging out at the farm, Sunday dinners, Holiday meals and traditions... I am thankful for family and friends down here, but it lacks the closeness that my family had growing up and I miss that, a lot. A WHOLE LOT.
I know people are so busy these days. I've been guilty of it myself. I want to slow down. Enjoy things like teaching my kids to cook and grow a garden. Teaching my daughter to sew or bake. Making Christmas cookies and breads. Jams, jelly, pickles, salsa - all kinds of homemade goodies. Homemade holiday meals - New Years, Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and all our birthdays... summer cookouts... family trips and outings...
I have always been quiet in group settings - which makes it hard and slow to make new friends - but I really want to build friendships down here. I have so few people to hang out with, just spend time with, have kids play together. I want to change that. I want to be less 'closed off' and more 'welcoming' to people and let them see me for who I am. I am always so involved with my 3 kids, I don't take the time to talk and get to know people... I want to change that. I don't want to be so alone anymore.
And maybe most of all... I miss the mountains. In my heart, through my blood, I miss them so much...
