What a crazy year...

I'm not going to try to post every month like I did last year. Things are just too crazy. Business comes and goes. I tried to get a charity started, but haven't had much support. The kids are growing up. We are still trying for another baby. Life is just crazy. When I think about blogging, I'm too busy. Then when I have the time, I just don't feel much like it... Like today... But I'll follow this post with another explaining why I'm not in a writing mood today...

Part of it is weather induced depression. It has been foggy and raining and dark all day.

Second is, my son has been clingy, demanding, fussy, and just annoying for the past two weeks. Not sure why.

Third, I keep getting reminded how big my kids are getting. They'll be 6 and 4 this summer and both of them will be in school this fall.

I was also recently reminded that if I hadn't miscarried last August, I'd be about 8 months pregnant. Instead we are 4 months into trying again. I've been ready for another baby for almost two years, even though we only started trying for one last April. I am okay with what had to happen. The hard part is watching my friends get pregnant and have babies. I know if it is God's will, it will happen in time. It's just hard for me to wait...

My birthday is just a few weeks away. I'll be 26. It's really not old, but for some reason I FEEL old...

In the midst of all that emotion, we found out we will be visiting Montana soon. I haven't been back since we moved almost 5 years ago... I'll get to see some of my family, including a 3 year old niece I've never met. I'll get to see old friends. And I'll get to spend time with my mom, who came down last year to visit us. This is great news! But it adds to the emotional roller coaster I'm currently on...

This morning we got news that my grandmother, LaVerne, was in the hospital. She is the last grandparent I have. She has been battling several health issues for a while. She has Parkinson's and falls a lot. Recently, they found clots in her lungs and put her on Coumadin to treat it. But she fell this morning and hit her head, causing bleeding on the brain. Because of the medication, a blood thinner, they cannot operate or anything. It is hard to let her go, but I am glad she isn't suffering and in pain any more. They will take her off life support once my uncle arrives from Colorado. We went through this situation when my grandfather Kern passed a few years ago. He was having heart problems and was on the same medication. When he had a stroke, fell and hit his head, they were unable to operate.

It's just a lot to deal with at one time. Plus I have a lot of friends going through things, both good and bad, and I feel for them also. There is just so much emotion...

I just wanted to pop on and vent a little. I know there aren't a lot of people who read this blog. It's more of a place for me to share, vent, and express myself. But for those of you who do read, thanks for putting up with my emotional wreck of a person right now...