Words

I have a long list of things I could tell you about my childhood to help explain why I am the way that I am, but I don't think now is the right time... Let's just say that I never fit in. I moved around a lot. I escaped from my life by reading - total bookworm right here - and it showed. I was an A+ student for most of my academic years. I was overweight until my freshman year of high school. I had serious self-esteem issues. I made some changes in high school - got contacts, dropped almost 50 pounds, and tried to join activities to make myself more 'acceptable' and outgoing. I found approval and acceptance, at least I thought I did. I still didn't fit in the way others did. Everyone had their clique that they were a part of, except me. I seemed to be a part of a lot of different groups and for some reason, I could cross boundaries that others couldn't. I could be preppy, country, goth, nerd - just about anything - and I could connect with almost anyone... but I still didn't feel like I belonged. I did a lot of things in high school to try and find that feeling, many of which left scars...

I look back now and I understand what I was looking for and why I couldn't find it...

I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin. I didn't feel accepted or truly loved by my peers, although there were times when I convinced myself that I was. Of course, I had friends and my loving mom and sister, but I didn't love myself.

I always compared myself to the girls around me. I was either too tall or not tall enough. Too curvy or curvy in the wrong places. Too smart. I worked too hard. I just wasn't the right kind of girl...

I have even struggled with some of these issues since getting married, having children, and moving to Georgia. I was the transplanted northern cowgirl. With my talents, my college degree, my eclectic fashion sense, and my taste in food/music/books - I just didn't fit in to the 'southern, church-going, housewife' mold... I compared myself to everyone around me and never quite measured up to them...

Until recently. In just the past few months, I have struggled and overcome a lot of those feelings/issues. I realized a few things in the past few months...

1. God made me to be me. Not you. Not that other girl. Not perfect. Not substandard. God made me exactly as He meant for me to be. He knew exactly what traits, talents, and trials I would need to mold me in to the person He wants me to be. If God meant for me to be a 5 foot 5 inch, 115 pound, trim and slim - He would have done that. I am 5 foot 5 inches, but my body carried 3 beautiful and healthy babies to term. My body works tirelessly to care for my family. My children and husband don't care that I don't weigh 115 pounds, so why should I? God made me to be me and I trust in Him to know just how I should be.

2. I have taken a closer look at those people that I compared myself to. You know what I learned? They don't like who they are. They wish they were thinner, or younger, or had less grey hairs. They have insecurities. They have flaws and failures. They are not perfect. So why should I strive to be more like them?

3. People are blessed by my presence. Yeah, I know this one sounds a little highbrow and pompous. What I mean is - there are people who like me for being the nerd that I am. They are touched by the caring acts that I do. They are relieved to have me sit and listen and hug them when they have a hard day. They are thankful for my talents - be it organization, sewing, baking, photography, or education - and they appreciate my willingness to share my skills and knowledge with them. There are people who care about me and love me for who I am. I have had people tell me that they feel comfortable, accepted, and joyful to spend time with me. Why should I want to change that?

I am exactly who My Lord means for me to be. I am no where near where I strive to be, but I am far from the person that I used to be.

I have noticed one very important thing concerning my attitude toward myself and found it worth sharing. It is going to sound very cliché, but I hope you continue to read this - hey, you made it this far!

Words. As a bookworm, I know how much one word can change the meaning of a sentence, or story. The same goes for our lives. One word can ruin a happy mood. One word can damage a hurting heart. One word can leave a lasting scar in someone's life. Why do people say things without really thinking about how their words are going to affect the person they are talking to? Innocent statements can be damaging when said at the wrong time or in the wrong place...

If anyone has read this... if anyone has made it this far... I challenge you. I know most people cannot refrain from the negatives of life. Comments slip. I understand.

Today I challenge you to pin a rose on someone. Actually, pin 3 roses. Choose 3 people, any 3 people, and tell them how wonderful they are. Tell them how important they are to you. Really tell them. Don't just say a few words or a couple sentences... We can say flowing and wonderful things when we lose someone - don't wait for that. Tell 3 people how amazing they are today.

Let's change the way we use our words. Let's lift each other up. Make someone's day amazing, just through your words. Encourage. Inspire. Love.